你是怎么学会爱自己的(一 )

How did you learn to love yourself?

你是怎么学会爱自己的?

Neelam Yadav
I am yet to love myself fully..I am just in process.
By giving priority to dreams,your work in simple words..if your buying clothes with your friends ans you like a dress that look good on you..and your friend also choose a dress that will also look good ..and everytime her choice is better than you ..then choose your dress over her..may be after sometime your will realised that her choice was better.. but it will give you idea that what you should wear..in long term you will know that what will be best for you.
Always find ways to make yourself happy in a good way.

我还没有达到完全爱自己的境界，不过正在进入状态。
把梦想放在首位，用简单的话来说就是你的工作。如果你和朋友一起买衣服，表明你喜欢穿好看的衣服。你的朋友也会选择一件好看的衣服。每次她的选择都比你好，然而你选择你挑选的而不是选挑的。也许过了一段时间你会意识到她的选择更好。但这会让你知道你应该穿什么。从长远来看，你会知道什么对你最有利。
总是想办法让自己快乐。
I wrote a step by step workbook about how to love yourself.

Dushka Zapata,我写了一本关于如何爱自己的循序渐进的手册。
When I was a kid I had a friend who was very hard on me. I felt constantly judged, my every thought, every emotion questioned. My friend was a “good girl”, duty-centric, so if I ever did anything just for fun she would put me down.
One fine day, I was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder called Graves Disease. This diagnosis took years because all my friend ever said was "it's nothing" or "it's all in your head" or "pull yourself together", even when I wasn't sleeping and felt my heart beating out of my chest, even when I felt so anxious I could barely breathe.
Why, you might ask, did I keep this demanding friend around?
Well, because my friend was me. My inner me - the one who wants me to do my best.
No wonder I found it hard to love myself. I wasn’t taking care of me. I wasn’t someone I could trust, or count on. I was exhausting me.

当我还是个孩子的时候，我有个朋友对我很严厉。我总觉得自己被人评判，我的每一个想法、每一种情绪都受到质疑。我的朋友是一个“好女孩”，以责任为中心，所以但凡我做的任何事情只是为了好玩，她就会奚落我
一个晴朗的日子，我被诊断出患有甲状腺疾病，叫做格雷夫斯病。这个诊断花了好几年时间，因为我的朋友所说的都是“没什么”或“一切都在你的脑子里”或“振作起来”，即使是在我没有睡觉的时候，也感觉我的心要胸口跳出来，甚至在我感到焦虑时候会几乎喘不过气来。
你可能会问，我为什么让这个苛刻的朋友待在身边？
因为我的朋友就是我自己—内在的我—想让我做最好的自己。
难怪我很难爱自己。我没有照顾好自己。我不是一个可以信任或依靠的人。我累坏了。


I began to show me a tad of mercy, of leniency. I developed curiosity and receptivity towards myself. To first observe, then suspend judgement every time I caught me being harsh. I began to check in with me with love rather than vigilance. I began to talk to myself with respect and honesty.
I took time to rest, to move, to trust my thoughts, opinions, feelings, perspective. I began to do things because they brought me joy, or wonder. I started taking care of myself. I got flowers for my desk to celebrate Nothing.
I began spending most of my time doing things I loved, rather than things I felt were my responsibility.
As it turns out, the world did just fine without my frantic intervention.
This recipe is not instant. It’s not simple. It’s not linear. But it did show me one fundamental thing: that to love me, I needed to become someone I would want to spend time with - rather than someone berating, judgmental, depleting.

我开始对自己表现出一丝怜悯，一丝宽容。我发展起对自己的好奇心和接受能力。每次我发现自己太苛刻时，先观察，然后暂缓判断。我开始用爱而不是警惕性来自省。我开始尊重和诚实与自己对话。
我花时间休息、行动，相信我的想法、观点、感觉和观点。我开始做一些事情，因为它们给我带来了快乐，或者奇迹。我开始照顾自己。我收到了花放在桌子上，也不会去庆祝。
我开始把大部分时间花在我喜欢的事情上，而不是我觉得自己有责任做的事情上。
事实证明，没有我的疯狂干预，世界一切都很好。
这个诀窍不是立即就可以实现的。这并不简单，也不是线性的。但它确实向我展示了一件基本的事情：要爱我，我需要成为一个我想与之共度时光的人——而不是一个斥责、评判、耗尽精力的人。


Rana Ashish, I too had a love story.
There was a time when I had insecurities about myself. About my looks, behavior, gesture, family etc. When I was a kid I was hesitant about my family because they didn’t meet the standards of Indian soap opera. There was a huge difference between reality and pretentious people. But innocent kid’s mind was unable to differentiate the difference.
I would like to share one incident, when I was new to the corporate sector. I was attending the house warming ceremony of a very rich guy, who was a relative of my relative. I was hesitant, but my relative forced me to give him company.
When we reached there, to be honest, I was the odd man out. If someone would have mistaken me there for a waiter, I would have not minded because waiters had better attire than me. I was hell embarrassed and I had no guts to make eye contact with people around. I was hoping for an earthquake to escape from my embarrassment.
It was final nail in the coffin, when my relative forced me to talk to the owner of the house. Though he was a nice guy, I could miserably understand his humor.

曾经有一段时间，我自己感觉不到安全感—关于我的长相、行为、手势、家庭等等。当我还是个孩子的时候，我甚至不愿承认自己的家庭，因为他们不符合印度肥皂剧的标准。现实和自命不凡的人之间有着巨大的差异。但天真的孩子的头脑无法区分两者之间的区别。
我想和大家分享一件事，那是我刚进入企业界的时候。我参加了一个非常富有的人的乔迁仪式，他是我亲戚的亲戚。我本不愿，但我的亲戚强迫我和他作伴。
老实说，当我们到达那里时，我是一个与众不同的人。如果有人把我误认为是服务员，我不会介意，因为服务员的着装比我好。对此 我非常尴尬，没有勇气与周围的人进行眼神交流。我希望发生地震以让能让我摆脱尴尬。
当时我的亲戚强迫我和房子的主人谈谈时，这对我是致命一击。虽然他是个好人，但可悲的是我能理解他是在迎合而已。
He asked, “What do you do?”
“I am an engineer sir”, I replied.
And he sarcastically said, “Which platform do you work for?”
I knew it was the old joke about the beggar and software engineer. But I humbly replied, I work on Java.
To which he replied, “ beggars will say the same.”
It was not funny, but people around him started laughing at his joke like sycophants, as their annual appraisal depends on him.
I really felt bad in front of so called modern and civilized people.
No, if you think that this incident changed me and I started loving myself then let me burst your bubble, you are entirely wrong.
Let me tell you one more incident. When my girlfriend introduced her best friend to me. Her best friend was delighted to meet me. She greeted me with biryani even though we had handful of time.

他问：“你是做什么的？”
“我是工程师，先生，”我回答。
他挖苦般说：“你在哪个平台工作？”
我知道这是一个关于乞丐和软件工程师的老笑话。但我谦虚地回答说，我从事Java工作。
他回答说：“乞丐也会这么说。”
这并不好笑，但他周围的人开始像马屁精一样附和他的笑话，因为他们的年度评估取决于他。
在所谓的现代文明人面前，我真的很难过。
不，如果你认为这件事改变了我，我开始爱自己，然后让我打破你的幻想吧，那你就大错特错了。
我再告诉你一件事。当我女朋友向我介绍她最好的朋友时。她最好的朋友很高兴见到我。尽管我们刚认识不久，她还是用印度香饭来招呼我。
And when I left, she said,
“I have no idea why she(My girlfriend) fell in love with that guy, he has no personality, no family background like yours.”
He is a nice guy, good for dating. But certainly he is not marriage material.
She didn’t say these things to my girlfriend. She conveyed this message to the parents of my girlfriend.
No matter what you do, you will be judged. Even if you are Obama or Putin, you will be judged.
Their own life is hell, but they have clear idea of how you should lead your life. And our mind, it is easily influenced by others.
And that’s where you start leading a miserable life, you end up living someone else’s life.

当我离开时，她说，
“我不知道她（我的女朋友）为什么会爱上那个家伙，他没有个性，没有你那样的家庭背景。”
他是个好人，很适合约会。但他肯定不是结婚的料。
她没有对我女朋友说这些话。她把这个信息传达给了我女朋友的父母。
无论你做什么，你都会受到评判。即使你是奥巴马或普京，你也会受到评判。
尽管他们自己的生活一团糟，但他们清楚你应该如何生活。而我们的思想很容易受到他人的影响。
然后你就开始过着悲惨的生活，你最终过着别人的生活。
There's nothing wrong with taking advice and learning from others, but make sure it aligns with your desires and passions. — Paulo Coelho
This is your life, what you have, others might not have and the same goes for them.
I realized I cannot change my personality, I cannot change my family background, I cannot change what I have. But one thing I can change, i.e. “ME.”
I can change myself, and that’s what I have done. I started appreciating what I have.
And it brought lots of positivity around me. After all, it's your life, it's one life. Either you can end up living your entire life with your insecurities or you can choose to ignore people’s opinion.
People will always say something, it's your job to ignore them

接受建议和向他人学习没有什么错，但要确保它与你的愿望和爱好相一致—保罗·柯艾略
这就是你的生活，你所拥有的，别人可能没有，反过来他们也一样。
我意识到我不能改变我的个性，我不能改变我的家庭背景，我不能改变我所拥有的。但有一件事我可以改变，那就是“我”
我可以改变自己，这就是我所做的。我开始感激我所拥有的。
它给我带来了很多积极的东西。毕竟，这是你的生活，这是一种生活方式。要么你一辈子都生活在不安全感中，要么你可以选择忽视别人的意见。
人们总是会说些什么，你的工作就是忽略他们。
Carol Raethel, Raised by narcissist. Upskilled, now helping others heal
There is a wonderful technique called ‘reparenting’ this is great if you missed out of unconditional love when you were younger, and that part of you never felt secure and safe in life.
I speak this answer to you, but it is what I did for myself. Also, my journey of awakening is on youtube and includes the story of my healing and learning to love myself. It inspired my mission.

有一种很棒的技巧叫做“自我重塑”，如果你年轻时错过了无条件的爱，而你在当时生活中从未感到有保障和安全，这真是太好了。
我向你们说出这个答案，这是我为自己所做的。此外，我的觉醒之旅也出现在youtube上，其中包括我康复和学会爱自己的故事，这激发了我的使命。
Read below for more on this answer :-)
We see the part of ourselves that is unloved as the ‘Inner Child’ and we see the conscious part of us, that is who we refer to as ‘I’ as the parent.
Internally, we begin to engage with a loving dialog towards our younger selves. You can give her a name. In time, this part of us comes forward and may respond to you, and you can have a 2 way communication. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. Regardless, imagine you a have a little child to look after, and treat her with all the love and care you would a child.
Talk to her, tell her what you are doing, if you do something well, even as little as making a nice coffee, praise yourself for a job well done. In time, you may notice an uplifting feeling when you self praise.
Enjoy foods that you nourishing for your body and begin to really take care of what you take into your body. Make gradual change if you need to. Ensure you are getting the wide range of vitamins you need, either from your food or supplement with a multivitamin if you need to give yourself a boost.
Take time to have fun with your inner child, do things you love to do. When you feel like adult time, metaphorically tuck your child into bed in your mind for a nap and spend some time doing something you enjoy just for yourself. Whether that is a favourite tv show, hobby, craft, or time in your garden. Make sure each part of your day has at least one activity you do for your own enjoyment.
Get into meditation.

请阅读下面的答案：
我们把自己不被爱的部分视为“内在的孩子”，我们看到自己有意识的部分，也就是我们称之为“我”的父母。
在内心，我们开始与年轻时的自己进行爱的对话。你可以给她起个名字。随着时间的推移，我们的这一部分可能会回应你，你可以进行双向沟通。有时这不会发生。不管怎样，想象你有一个小孩要照顾，并用你对孩子的爱和关心来对待她。
和她谈谈，告诉她你在做什么，如果你做得很好，哪怕只是煮了一杯好咖啡，也要赞美自己做得很好。随着时间的推移，当你自我表扬时，你可能会注意到一种令人振奋的感觉。
享受你为你的身体提供有营养的食物，并开始真正照顾好你摄入的东西。如果需要的话，慢慢改变。确保你从食物中获得所需的多种维生素，如果你需要提振自己，可以补充多种维生素。
花点时间和内心的孩子一起玩，做你喜欢做的事情。当你觉得自己是成年人的时候，你可以在脑海中把孩子塞进床上小睡一会儿，花些时间做一些你自己喜欢的事情。无论那是你最喜欢的电视节目、爱好、手艺，还是在花园里度过时光。确保你一天中的每一部分都至少有一项自己喜欢的活动。
进入冥想。
Meditating 15 minutes daily is beneficial for you is so many may ways. It releases calming and happy hormones into the system, and increases your resilience in order to manage any stressful situations in a calmer way, or move through the stress more quickly.
If you would like to learn meditation, I created a small 10 day course, that not only guides you to learn and do guided meditations, it also teaches you how to overcome the biggest challenges, like distracting thoughts, discomfort and being unable to relax. You learn success right from the first meditation.

每天冥想15分钟对你有很多好。它会向系统释放镇静和快乐的激素，并增强你的恢复力，以便以更平静的方式处理任何压力情况，或更快地克服压力。
如果你想学习冥想，我创建了一个为期10天的小课程，它不仅指导你学习和拥抱忧伤，还教你如何克服最大的挑战，比如分心的想法，不适和不能放松。你从第一次冥想中就学会了成功。
Hi, I am Carol Raethel, Occupational Therapist, and I invite you to learn and master one of the most important skills of your life that will bring you peace, calm and joy within you. Meditation 101 is a course I designed for both beginners and part time Meditators to learn how to do it like a Master. The skills you will learn in the course are skills that many meditators of long practice use to achieve the calm inner awareness that is the goal of meditation. Once you have learned to overcome the biggest hurdles to enjoying a wonderful meditation experience, you can access my library of meditations from my website which are yours for free. This includes the ones I have made and the ones that I have yet to make! All will be posted at the end of this course, for you to use. This course is yours for your lifetime. Read on to explore in detail what this course can do for you, or click on the 'Register Now' button above if you are ready to go! Would you like to Live your Life from a place of Peace most of the time? Are you feeling like life is one stressful event after another, and you feel like you are only just coping? This is not only dangerous for your health, but a miserable way to live. Your brain can't think properly because all the energy is focused in the areas of your brain responsible for your muscles so they are ready for action in response to the stress event. We call it Fight and Flight, because your body is ready for action, to fight the danger or run away from it. On a long term basis, prolonged stress can lead to all sorts of health problems. In fact 85% of health conditions are caused by being stressed and not knowing how to deal with it. The truth is, you don't have to live like that! A regular meditation practice increases your resistance to becoming stressed by the events in your life, because you are in a relaxed state, can think clearly and are more likely to be able to solve life's challenges without slipping into the Fight or Flight response. In fact, you will find that nothing is worth losing your wonderful feeling of wellbeing over, and you will choose how you want to respond, rather than react, which is much more empowering. In this course, I teach how to manage your thoughts so they don't spoil your meditation When you have tried meditation in the past, have you had that experience of thoughts fighting for your attention, and they take you off on a tangent that is sure to ruin your meditation? Does this put you off meditating because your past attempts left you frustrated? The lessons I teach you for this are powerful, and you are going to love your meditations , because at last you can manage the thoughts that turn up without them intruding on your wonderful quiet inner space. You can do this, you just need to be shown how and practice.

大家好，我是Carol Raethel，职业治疗师，我邀请你们学习并掌握生活中最重要的技能之一，这将给你们带来内心的平和、平静和快乐。冥想101是我为初学者和兼职冥想者设计的一门课程，学习如何像大师一样去做。你将在课程中学习的技能是许多长期练习的冥想者都使用这种方法来达到内心的平静。一旦你学会了如何克服最大的障碍来享受美妙的冥想体验，你可以从我的网站上访问我的冥想库，这些都是免费的。这包括我已经做的和我还没有做的！所有内容都将在本课程结束时发布，供摸使用。这门课是你的终身课程。继续阅读，详细探索本课程能为你做些什么，你愿意大部分时间都在一个和平的地方生活吗？你是否觉得生活是一个又一个充满压力的事件，你觉得自己只是在应付？这不仅对你的健康有害，而且是一种悲惨的生活方式。你的大脑无法正确思考，因为所有的能量都集中在大脑中负责肌肉的区域，所以肌肉做好了应对压力事件的准备。我们称之为战斗和逃跑，因为你的身体已经准备好采取行动，与危险作斗争或逃离危险。长期来看，长期的压力会导致各种各样的健康问题。事实上，85%的健康状况是由压力和不知道如何应对压力引起的。事实是，你不必那样生活！经常的冥想练习会增强你对生活中发生的事情产生的压力的抵抗力，因为你处于放松的状态，可以清晰地思考，更有可能解决生活中的挑战，而不会陷入争斗或逃跑的反应。事实上，你会发现没有任何事情值得你为此而失去美好的幸福感，你会选择如何回应，而不是做出反应，这更有力量。在这门课程中，我教你如何管理你的思想，这样当你过去尝试冥想时，它们不会破坏你的冥想，你是否有过这样的经历:各种想法争抢你的注意力，它们让你偏离正题，肯定会破坏你的冥想?这是否因为你过去的尝试让你受挫而让你停止冥想？我在这方面教给你的经验是很有力量的，你会爱上你的冥想，因为最后你可以管理出现的想法，而不让它们闯入你美妙安静的内心空间。你可以做到这一点，你只需要学习和练习。
You need to do the inner journey towards self forgiveness. No matter what you have done that you judge yourself for, you are a human being and all humans make mistakes. Some of us can be very hard on ourselves, and that gets in the way of loving yourself, so forgive yourself for being human. Balance that with a commitment to yourself to learn from future mistakes, so that you grow as a person and take on new spiritual maturity.
Pamper yourself if you can. If you have a bath, buy some lovely scent and candles and luxuriate in the hot water and allow yourself to breathe in the scents and relax deeply. You are worthy of being pampered, and it is a way of telling yourself you have value and are worth pampering.
Self love also involves recognising your strengths. Write a list of the things you know you are good at, and add qualities that you have as a person. No time fo modesty here, recognise your unique talents and qualities. Allow that list to be available fo adding to as more answers come to you.

你需要进行内心的自我宽恕之旅。无论你做了什么，你都在评判自己，毕竟你是一个人，所有人都会犯错。我们中的一些人可能对自己很苛刻，这会妨碍爱自己，所以因为自己是人类而原谅自己。在这两者之间找到平衡，并承诺从未来的错误中吸取教训，这样你才能成长为一个人，并获得成熟的思想。
如果可以的话，纵容一下自己。如果你在洗澡，买一些可爱的香水和蜡烛，在热水中尽情享受，让自己深呼吸，放松。你值得被宠爱，这是告诉自己你有价值，值得被宠爱的一种方式。
自爱还包括承认自己的优势。写一张清单：写上自己擅长的事情，并添加你作为一个人所具备的品质。没时间谦虚了，承认你独特的才能和品质。当更多的答案出现时，及时补充进清单。
Remove toxicity from your life.
In time, as your self love grows, you may find that any addictions you have might begin to fall away. This is because you used the addictions to replace them empty feeling inside, or to avoid feeling the lack of love for yourself, but as your self love grows, there is less need for the addictions. I quit smoking, drinking when I reached the place of understanding and really getting self love.

消除生活中的毒副作用。
随着自爱的增长，你会发现你的任何嗜好都可能开始消失。这是因为你用上瘾来取代内心的空虚感，或者避免感觉对自己缺乏爱，但是随着你自爱的增长，对上瘾的需求就会减少。当我到达理解和真正获得自爱的时，我戒烟、戒酒。


Enjoy walks in nature. Stop to admire nature as often as you can, even if it is a flower or a house plant. Nature is such a special system all on its own and the perfection of its shape and form, even colour gives us a new dimension to look into. It brings us fresh new energies that support self love, because nature is about love.
Did I mention do things you enjoy just for yourself? Also take time to hang out with your inner child watching fun movies and fun books or even games you live to play when you were younger.
The inner child may have some pain that it trapped in the body because it was too young to know what to do with it when or if an event happened in the past, so she may bring up some emotions for releasing, Allow these to be felt and released. This is perfectly natural, you are not going mad.

喜欢在大自然中散步。尽可能多地停下来欣赏大自然，即使它是一朵花或室内植物。自然本身就是一个十分特殊的系统，它的完美的形状和形式，甚至颜色，都给了我们一个新的维度去观察。它给我们带来了支持自爱的新鲜能量，因为大自然是关于爱的。
我有没有说过做自己喜欢的事?花点时间和你内心的孩子一起出去看看有趣的电影和书籍，甚至是你年轻时玩过的游戏。
内心的孩子被困在身体里可能会有一些痛苦，因为当过去发生的事情发生时，她还太小，不知道该怎么处理，所以她可能会提出一些情绪要释放，让这些情绪被感受并释放。这是非常自然的，你不会疯的。
You can find other ways to love yourself that i haven’t mentioned. Perhaps make a challenge to yourself to find new ways to honour the wonderful person you are
One day, you will wake up and feel a sense of empowerment, You will love yourself unconditionally, and the inner child can now be integrated back into who you are because she has caught up on the love, you have parented her well. She will always be a part of you and you can remember her and play whenever the urge takes you,
There is a sort of magical realignment inside and you may even discover your life purpose and life mission. I always imagine that reaching self love is light a lovely big crystal with lots of facets. When we release old trapped emotions we allowa little more of our real self to show, and the more we ppolish ourself with love, the shiner and sparklier we become. One day we are this beautiful shining crystal, complete with flaws, but perfect and wonderful as a whole.
I hope these ideas are helpful. It is what i did to move into self love. I thought I already did love myself, but wow, experiencing the full unconditional self love is way different. It means that we do not ever let people cross out boandaries unless we give them permission, we never compromise our values and standards and we live authentically from the heart. We can be ourselves and not worry how other perceive us, because the only opinion that matters is ourselves.

你可以找到其他我没提到的爱自己的方式。也许你要挑战自己，寻找新的方式来来尊重优秀的你。
有一天，你会醒来，感觉到一种被赋予权力的感觉，你会无条件地爱自己，内心的那个孩子现在可以重新融入你，因为她已经学会了爱，你已经很好地养育了她。她将永远是你的一部分，你可以记住她，想玩就玩。
内在会神奇的进行重组，你甚至可能发现你的人生目标和人生使命。我总是想象着，找到自爱的时候是可以让一个有很多面的可爱的大水晶发光的。当我们释放旧的被困情绪时，我们会让更多的真实自我展现出来，我们越是用爱来陶冶自己，我们就会变得更加光彩夺目。有一天，我们是这颗美丽闪亮的水晶，虽然有瑕疵，但作为一个整体，我们是完美而美好的。
我希望这些想法能有所帮助。这就是我为了自爱所做的。我以为我已经爱自己了，但是体验完全无条件的自爱是完全不同的。这意味着，这意味着除非我们允许，否则我们不会让人们越界，我们在有关价值观和标准方面从不妥协，我们真诚地生活。我们可以做自己，不用担心别人如何看待我们，因为唯一重要的是我们自己。