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如果你被教导，有任何自利的行为都是自私的，你会怎么做？一个人怎么做，才能做到自爱而不自私呢？
What do you do if you were taught that having any self-interest is being selfish?How can one love oneself without being selfish?
2022-04-07
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译文简介
你必须先保护好自身利益，才能成长到足以帮助他人。如果你没有自利心，你就无法在生活中取得好成绩。如果你不能成为你想要成为的人，那么你就没有帮助别人的能力。自私是指你利用他人谋取私利。保持微笑，放轻松。
正文翻译
What do you do if you were taught that having any self-interest is being selfish?How can one love oneself without being selfish?
如果你被教导，有任何自利的行为都是自私的，你会怎么做？一个人怎么做，才能做到自爱而不自私呢？
评论翻译
Sharesz T. Wilkinson
Start working on yourself - you are the only person you can actually change.
Define your own values and belief system.
Learn from and work with a professional qualified psychologist on how to override the subconscious programming.
Get to know yourself inside out: who you are, what you want, where you want to be, what impact you want to make, and for whom and why and for how long.
Work with a trauma therapist through your trauma from childhood - everyone has it in some way or manner in various degrees and it greatly affects our life quality and outcome.
Become aware of certain psychological patterns such as projection, dissociation, numbing out, and compensation behavior.
Most importantly, learn to spot dysfunctional human behavior such as co-dependency, trauma bonding, narcissism, Stockholm syndrome, psychopathic and/ or sociopathic behavior.
开始训练自己——这世界上唯一能改变你的人只有你自己。
定义你自己的价值观和信仰体系。
向专业合格的心理学家学习并与之合作，学习如何推翻潜意识认知和思维。
从内到外了解自己：你是谁，你想要什么，你想成为什么样的人，你想有什么样的影响力，这是为了谁、为了什么以及时间是多久。
与创伤治疗师合作直面你童年的创伤——每个人都有不同程度的创伤，它会极大地影响我们的生活质量和结果。
意识到某些心理模式，如投射、分离、麻木和补偿行为。
最重要的是，学会发现人类功能失调的行为，如共同依赖、创伤联结、自恋、斯德哥尔摩综合征、心理变态和/或反社会行为。
Learn and become aware of truly healthy behavior patterns.
Acquire and work on your communication skills.
Learn how to read people - micro-expressions, body language, and more. Learn a scientific approach from professionals, not some layman assumptions out there.
Learn how to set - and enforce - healthy boundaries in all areas of life.
Stop interacting with highly toxic people to protect or get back your own sanity and health.
Health means physical well-being, state of mind, constructive growth relationships, respectful interactions, financial health and fitness, balanced approach in daily structures regarding time- and stress management, professional ambitions are in line with your values and vision, healthy eating habits, hydration, taking consistent actions.
This is a lifelong process but the earlier it gets started, the higher we will soar in all areas of life.
Nowadays, tools and knowledge as well as qualified professionals’ inputs are readily available online to do the work.
Previous generations were not that lucky.
Awareness and doing your shadow work will help prevent passing on unhealthy and toxic patterns to your own children and children’s children. Break the intergenerational chain.
The key is the willingness to learn and keep going - it is not a walk in the park and no one says it is easy, yet it can be done with self-discipline, grit, perseverance, persistence, and focus.
An arrow doesn’t hit the target if it is shot from a mellow bow.
学习并意识到真正健康的行为模式。
学习并提高你的沟通技巧。
学习如何理解人——微表情、肢体语言等等。从专业人士那里学习科学方法，而不是一些外行哪里。
学习如何在生活的各个领域设定并实施健康的界限。
停止与剧毒人群互动，以保护或恢复自己的理智和健康。
健康意味着身体健康、精神状态、建设性的成长关系、相互尊重的互动、财务健康、在时间和压力管理方面的日常结构平衡、职业抱负符合你的价值观和愿景、健康的饮食习惯、补水、采取一致的行动。
这是一个终生的课题，但越早开始，我们在生活的各个领域就会飞得越高。
如今，工具和知识以及合格专业人员的投入都可以在网上轻松获得。
前几代人没有那么幸运。
认知和处理你的晦暗的一面，有助于防止把不健康和有毒的模式传给你自己的孩子以及孩子的孩子。打破代际链条。
关键在于学习和坚持的意愿——这不是在公园里散步，没有人说这很容易，但通过自律、勇气、毅力、坚持和专注，这是可以做到的。
如果箭是从圆润的弓上射出的，它就不会击中目标。
Deepak Singh
Common question. I just answered two of such.
Self interest has to be there for you to do well and grow enough to help others.
If you don't have self interest, you won't be able to do well in your life. If you don't get to be what you want, then you are a no help guy.
Selfish is when you use others for your gain.
Keep Smiling, natural.
常见问题。我刚刚回答了两个这样的问题。
你必须先保护好自身利益，才能成长到足以帮助他人。
如果你没有自利心，你就无法在生活中取得好成绩。如果你不能成为你想要成为的人，那么你就没有帮助别人的能力。
自私是指你利用他人谋取私利。
保持微笑，放轻松。
Griz Ley
It sounds like you’re already (correctly imho) rejecting that premise. All things in moderation. It’s as toxic as being raised to believe everything orbits around you.
Chances are you had a parent who as a child experienced this latter reality and is now just over-compensating. Correct the situation in your life, but try not to begrudge them their own rough upbringing. Each successive generation’s job is to improve on the mistakes of the past generation.
听起来你已经拒绝了这个前提。一切都要适度。这就像从小就相信所有事物一样有害。
很有可能你的父母在小时候经历过后一种现实，现在只是补偿过度。纠正你生活中的情况，但不要忌恨他们的粗暴教养。每一代人的工作都是改进上一代人的错误。
SamieDee
I would reteach myself whatever I think is true and live my life the way I want.
Because really, there's a balance in everything. And you are allowed to do things for yourself and that is not selfish.
It is selfish to do something that impacts others negatively without taking them into consideration.
But just because you were taught something, doesn't mean that you can't change it. Like, what would I do if I was taught that the sky was yellow. Well…when I find out the sky is not in fact yellow, I'll change my belief.
我会把我认为是不偏不斜的东西给自己，过我想要的生活。
因为不偏不斜的，一切都是平衡的。你被允许为自己做事，这不是自私。
做一些不考虑他人而对他人产生负面影响的事情是自私的。
但仅仅因为你学到了一些东西，并不意味着你不能改变它。比如，如果我被教导天空是黄色的，我会怎么做。当我发现天空其实不是黄色的时候，我会改变我的信念。
B Vishnevsky
There's a big difference between being selfish, self indulgent, self centered, and self obsessed, and looking out for yourself and taking time out to pamper yourself and relax from the daily grind of every day life.
In order for you to be healthy and give your best outwards, you must first be healthy from within.
You can't be healthy inwards if you never take the time to explore what you need or want for your life.
Wanting to be happy or fulfilled is not selfish.
Exploring what job or career best fits your qualifications and skills is not selfish.
Looking for a partner who is the right fit for your life is not selfish.
Thinking of what path you wish to pursue in life is not selfish.
自私、自我放纵、以自我为中心、自我痴迷与照顾自己、花时间纵容自己、从日常生活中放松之间有很大的区别。
为了让你保持健康，并向外界展示你最好的一面，你必须首先从内心保持健康。
如果你从不花时间去探索你的生活需要或想要什么，你的内心就不可能健康。
想要快乐或满足并不是自私的。
探索什么样的工作或职业最适合你的资历和技能并不是自私的。
寻找一个适合你生活的伴侣并不自私。
思考你希望在生活中走的道路并不是自私的。
Taking time out of your day for just you to unwind and have some much needed downtime is not selfish.
Life is what you make of it. Life is what you do with it.
You should be the master of your life. You shouldn't be allowing anyone to dictate how you should run it.
Just because someone doesn't agree with you or doesn't like your choices does not mean you are being selfish.
You only have this one life to live as you, and life will pass you right on by if you're always hung up on how other people view you or think you should be different.
It is not anyone's place to demand you stop being you and become the person they would like you to be.
You have to live with the choices you make.
Loving yourself is not selfish. It is essential to learning how to love another person.
从你的一天中抽出时间，让自己放松一下，休息一下，这并不自私。
生活是由你自己创造的。生活就是你如何利用它。
你应该是你生活的主人。你不应该允许任何人支配你应该如何运行它。
仅仅因为某人不同意你或不喜欢你的选择并不意味着你自私。
生命只有一次，如果你总是想着别人如何看待你，认为你应该与众不同，生活就会从你身边溜走。
这不是任何人要求你停止做自己，成为他们希望你成为的人的地方。
你必须接受自己的选择。
爱自己并不自私。学会爱另一个人同样是很重要的。
Eddie Colbeth
The idea that self-love is selfish is just wrong-headed. So, the first thing you’ll need to do is try to change your perspective on self-love.
If you want to be of the most service to humanity, you must meet your own needs first. This is a lesson that first responders learn fast or they have to switch careers.
Imagine being a fireman at a fire and instead of following protocol, you run into a building without protective gear to save a child and get hurt? Now, you are part of the problem and resources that would have been used to help people who are already hurt, have to be used on you and you can no longer help as you are hurt too.
If you make sure you meet your own needs first, that you have enough to eat, get enough sleep ect. You’ll be of more use to others. So it could be argued that to not love yourself is to be selfish because you’ll be less helpful to others.
If everyone did this, the world would be a better place, people would be more self-reliant and more available to help others.
自爱是自私的想法是错误的。所以，你需要做的第一件事就是改变你对自爱的看法。
如果你想为人类做出最大的贡献，你必须首先满足自己的需求。这是一个经验教训，急救人员需要最快的学会这一点，否则就得换工作。
想象一下，作为一名消防队员，你没有遵守规定，在没有防护装备的情况下冲进一栋大楼，救了一个孩子，结果受伤了？现在，你变成了问题的一部分，救你的资源本可以用来帮助那些已经受伤的人，现在不得不用在你身上，当你也受伤时，你再也不能帮助他们了。
你首先要确保满足自己的需求，确保你有足够的食物、充足的睡眠等等。你会对别人更有帮助。所以可以说，不爱自己就是自私，因为你对别人的帮助会减少。
如果每个人都这样做，世界将变得更加美好，人们将更加自力更生，更加乐于帮助他人。
Elaine Hamilton
Self-love is more of developing the person and spirit within.
It is respecting yourself, knowing when something isn’t helping you to be the best that you can be.
It is caring for yourself, your mental health, taking time to rest, reflect, refuel, Not always being in motion. Taking time out to have a well-prepared meal, listen to music, take a hot shower, read, It’s having alone time. A time to heal, Even if it is a few quiet moments of peace in a bubble bath.
It is developing the mind. Perspective, based on compassion. Knowing what you need to be happy, fulfilled. It is, essentially learning about you, shaping yourself, heart and spirit before you are able to give to someone else in the same manner.
It is setting boundaries of what you will tolerate in your life, from career, friends, family. It is also knowing when you need to just take a little break from the world and come back refreshed.
This is how you can best love yourself, so that you can in turn, love others. Have you ever heard the phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup”? Self-love gives us time to fill the cup back up.
自爱更多的是关于人的发展和内在的情绪。
它是尊重你自己，知道什么事情不能帮助你做到最好。
它是关心你自己，你的心理健康，花时间休息，反思，加油，而不是总是处于运动状态。抽出时间吃一顿精心准备的饭，听音乐，洗个热水澡，读书，这就是独处的时间。这是治愈的时刻，即使是在泡泡浴中安静片刻。
它在发展心智。基于同情心的视角。知道你需要什么才能快乐、满足。它本质上是了解你，在你能够以同样的方式给予别人之前塑造你自己的心灵和精神。
它为你的生活设定了界限，包括职业、朋友和家庭。它也知道什么时候你需要从这个世界上休息一下，然后重新振作起来。
这就是你如何最好地爱自己，这样你才能反过来爱别人。你听过“你不能从空杯子里倒水”这句话吗？自爱让我们有时间把杯子装满。
James Melton
a paradox to be sure, but in order to love oneself one has to be self centered for a time.
self centered as in centered on self, who you are as apposed to me or anyone else, your own likes, your own fears, your own hopes, your own joys, your own dreams, your own feelings, your own thoughts, the behaviors you shine the most at and the behaviors you enjoy.
in order to figure all those things out, you have to be self centered for a while
当然这是一个悖论，但为了爱自己，一个人必须在一段时间内以自我为中心。
以自我为中心就是把你自己放在最中心的位置，你与我或其他人的关系，你自己的喜好，你自己的恐惧，你自己的希望，你自己的快乐，你自己的梦想，你自己的感觉，你自己的想法，你最擅长的行为和你喜欢的行为。
为了解决所有这些问题，你必须在一段时间内以自我为中心。
Clare Smith
Yes. You have to learn e yourself in order to love someone else.
If you don't even love who you are then what do you have to offer someone else?
You have to learn to accept yourself with all your flaws in order to do the same for someone else
是的，为了爱别人，你必须学会爱自己。
如果你连自己都不爱，那你能给别人什么呢？
你必须学会接受自己所有的缺点，这样才能为别人做同样的事。
Janice Vincent
You wake up every day and if you don’t already, you make yourself think about the world in some way. I often choose the global route, so I think about the planet and the oceans and the ecosystem and the great people who are fighting human waste and misuse.
Other people would chose something else of meaning to them. It can be anything, but I would recommend it not start with people, though you want it to lead back to them. For instance, your flower garden or the arrangement of paintings on the wall in your apartment—whatever makes you happy. That can lead back to how it got there, who helped you, who painted the paintings and why they did it. If you painted the paintings. who admired them, sold you the paints, etc. What were they like? Were they kind, helpful?
If this doesn’t work, try something else. Find the one or more things you like/love and figure out how other people put love and caring into it to bring it to you.
Now, how would you return the favor if you could? Once you start thinking along these lines, you might start caring about others who have contributed to the happiness in your life, even if they are total strangers.
Animals/pets are also a great way to break the barrier.
你每天醒来，但是还没有完全清醒的时刻，你会让自己以某种方式思考这个世界。我经常选择全球路线，所以我想到了地球、海洋、生态系统，以及那些与人类浪费和滥用作斗争的伟大人物。
其他人会选择对他们有意义的东西。它可以是任何东西，但我建议不要从人开始，尽管你想让他回到你们身边。例如，你的花园或你公寓墙上的绘画布置，无论什么只要是能让你开心的事物。这可以追溯到它是如何到达那里的，谁帮助了你，谁画了这些画，以及他们为什么这么做。如果你画这些画。谁欣赏他们，卖给你颜料等等。他们是什么样的人？他们善良、乐于助人吗？
如果这不起作用，试试别的办法。找到你喜欢/爱的一件或多件事，弄清楚别人是如何把爱和关心带到你身边的。
现在，如果可以的话，你会如何回报这个人情呢？一旦你开始按照这些思路思考，你可能会开始关心那些为你生活中的幸福做出贡献的人，即使他们完全是陌生人。
动物/宠物也是打破障碍的好方法。
Bill Van Dyck
Self Care is about doing something for your own well-being.
Selfishness is about doing something for your personal interest which often implies at the expense of others.
For instance, you jogging in the morning is about self care. You are doing something that only affects you for your own well being.
However, you spending your money on jogging equipment (luxury items) when your child needs new clothes because he does not have any that fit him anymore (necessary items) is about selfishness. You do something for your own interests at the expense of others.
自我照顾是为了自己的幸福而做的事情。
自私是为了个人利益而做的事情，这通常意味着以牺牲他人为代价。
例如，你早上慢跑是为了自我照顾。你所做的事情只会影响你自己的健康。
然而，当你的孩子需要新衣服时，你把钱花在慢跑设备（奢侈品）上，因为他没有再适合他的衣服（必需品）是自私的表现。你为了自己的利益而牺牲他人。
Luis Martins
By treating others as you would want them to treat you.
Learn to love yourself first. Once you have learned to love oneself, and that means loving your body, loving the person you are, by not practicing lawlessness or practices that dishonor and destroy your body, you will love unselfishly others, because you are benign to yourself.
Those who voluntarily or involuntarily practice evil loathe themselves, and can they proprely love others?
以你希望他人对待你的方式对待他人。
先学会爱自己。一旦你学会了爱自己，这意味着爱你的身体，爱你自己的一切，通过不实践不法行为或不尊重和破坏你的身体的行为，你将无私地爱别人，因为你对自己是善良的。
那些自愿或非自愿地作恶的人厌恶自己，他们能爱别人吗？
Caitlin French
Stop thinking about yourself. Start thinking about others in different situations. Like, say if someone arrives late to your party. Instead of getting mad at them and thinking they are just lazy people, consider what they had to do in order to get to your party. They had to get ready, let their family/friends/roommates, etc. about where they’re going and when they’ll be home. Not to mention they may have had to do some responsibilities very quickly before they left, such as making sure their baby has a changed diaper and is happy, or folding clothes. When they are on their way, consider that they may have gotten caught in traffic or an accident on the road may have slow them down.
You’ve faced some minor or major setbacks and inconveniences in life. When you can apply your feelings towards those setbacks to others, you will be able to empathize with them when they go through such setbacks. Such as your friend’s grandfather had passed away. If you had ever lost your grandfather or a family member you know it’s very painful emotionally, so when you can apply that same pain to your friend who is going through something similar you can empathize with them and care towards them. You can be more comforting to them in such hard times.
When you began to think that others have a complex life with a huge amount of responsibilities and people that love and care for them, such as you, you will find it easier to empathize and care for others. When you think about only your needs and wants you are only caring for yourself. But when you can put them away to tend to someone else’s needs or wants, that’s caring.
别再想你自己了。开始考虑不同情况下的其他人。比如说，如果有人来晚了。不要对他们发火，认为他们只是懒惰的人，考虑他们必须做什么才能参加你的聚会。他们必须做好准备，让家人/朋友/室友等知道他们要去哪里，什么时候回家。更不用说他们在离开之前可能不得不很快地完成一些任务，比如确保他们的宝宝换了尿布，并且很开心，或者叠衣服。当他们在路上时，考虑到他们可能被交通堵塞或道路上的交通事故拖慢了。
你在生活中遇到过一些小的或大的挫折和不便。当你能把你对这些挫折的感受运用到别人身上时，当他们经历这些挫折时，你就能同情他们。比如你朋友的祖父去世了。如果你曾失去祖父或家人，你知道这在情感上是非常痛苦的，所以当你能将同样的痛苦施加到经历类似事情的朋友身上时，你可以同情他们，关心他们。在这样的困难时期，你可以给他们更多的安慰。
当你开始认为其他人有着复杂的生活，有着大量的责任，以及像你这样爱和关心他们的人，你会发现更容易同情和关心他人。当你只考虑自己的需求时，你只关心自己。但当你能把它们放在一边，照顾别人的需要或愿望时，那就是关心。
Kalyanam Ganesh
When you take care of you with due concern for others it is self care, When you take care of you without concern for others it is selfishness. Selfish people lack adjustments. They always wants the things to be done the way it is more beneficial to them.
当你关心别人的时候照顾自己是自我照顾，当你不关心别人的时候照顾自己是自私。自私的人缺乏调整。他们总是希望事情以对他们更有利的方式进行。
Dan Edwards
By first learning to love and respect yourself enough to be totally content with who you are, what you have, and your place in the world; and then learning what it means to experience happiness by helping others.
首先要学会足够爱和尊重自己，完全满足于你是谁，你拥有什么，以及你在世界上的地位；然后学习通过帮助他人来体验幸福的意义。
Solomon Wang
Love is a feeling that can be expressed with action. Love yourself with your feelings, accept yourself, for mental health. About actions: to exist is to, at some level, be selfish enough to take what you need. Selfishness is when you go too far beyond what you need and satisfy too many of your wants--everyone draws the line where wants become needs at different places: find yours and stay within it.
爱是一种可以用行动表达的感觉。用感情爱自己，接受自己，为了心理健康。关于行动：在某种程度上，生存就是自私到可以得到你需要的东西。自私是当你远远超出你的需要，满足了你太多的欲望时——每个人都在不同的地方划出了一条线：找到你的，并保持在其中。
Anonymous
Love the world and being. Find one beautiful thing to pick out each day. You are just part of the world. Forget "fairness" and other mental constructs and just accept life for what it is. Life is so short, to do otherwise is just silly.
爱这个世界和存在。每天找一件美丽的东西来挑选。你只是世界的一部分。忘掉“公平”和其他心理构造，接受生活的本来面目。生命如此短暂，否则的话就是愚蠢的。
Humberto Moreno
Acknowledge yourself and know that you care.
Accept yourself knowing that you are the one best suited to take care of you emotionally and physically(if you have the capability to do so just saying not everyone does) because you know yourself better than anyone else. That is something to appreciate.
认可自己，知道自己在乎。
接受你自己，知道你是最适合在情感上和身体上照顾你的人（如果你有能力这么做，只是说不是每个人都这样），因为你比任何人都更了解自己。这是值得欣赏的。
Shweta Sharma
When a pair of twins are lying close to each other and both of them are crying to be fed, that is self care. Now, once the mother inserts the nipples of the milk bottles in each ones lips and while one of them has finished sipping in the milk, it tries to snatch away the bottle of the other, that’s when the selfishness creeps in.:P
当一对双胞胎靠得很近，两人都哭着要喂食时，这就是自我照顾。现在，一旦母亲将奶瓶的奶嘴插入每个人的嘴唇，当其中一个喝完牛奶后，它会试图抢走另一个的奶瓶，这时自私开始蔓延。
Edmund Pevensie
People get it wrong when they think selfishness is the opposite of caring.
What you need to be is emotionally aware. I try to be kind to others because my self image and my ability to sleep at night is at stake. There is no such thing as caring for someone without a selfish stake in it. That would be like giving your enemies presents and kindness because they are sad one day, even though you know they will beat you around the head with it.
Try to give kindness as a mark of esteem for the goodness you see in others, or to redraw justice into what you consider social justice.
Caring is overrated. People state caring things on Facebook and pay lip service on Veterans Day even when personally they may not give a shit. They can educate themselves TO care but they should not be a hypocrite and pretend they care.
Don’t be a hypocrite and always consider how you would like to be treated if life was unkind.
当人们认为自私和自爱处于对立面时，他们就错了。
你需要的是情感意识。我尽量善待他人，因为这关系到我的自我形象和晚上睡觉的能力。照顾一个人没有任何私心是不可能的。这就好比给你的敌人礼物和善意，因为他们总有一天会让你难过，你知道他们会用礼物和善意打你的头。
试着把仁慈作为对别人眼中的善良的尊重，或者把正义重新转化为你所认为的社会正义。
关心被高估了。人们在脸书上说关心的事情，在退伍军人节上嘴上说说，但就个人而言，他们可能根本不在乎。他们可以教育自己去关心，但他们不应该是一个伪君子，假装关心。
不要做伪君子，如果生活不好，一定要考虑如何善待自己。
Nicole Alexander
Great question because I think a lot of people deal with this. I do think you can practice self-care without being selfish, but I also think it’s difficult because people have different self-care needs. For instance, I’m in a wheelchair and have some special health needs. There have been times when I’ve had to say no to things because I am just too worn out or mentally stretched. I feel bad doing this, but as I have grown, I have learned my physical and mental limits. And perhaps that’s part of it. If you know you have time and are able to do something, then choosing yourself over others may be selfish. Conversely, if you feel like you’re barely able to keep your head above water, taking on something else may not be the best idea. Perhaps it might be a good idea to really learn yourself and your limits. This may help you plan ahead and avoid being or feeling selfish. All my best to you
问得好，因为我觉得很多人都在处理这个问题。我认为你可以在不自私的情况下进行自我照顾，但我也认为这很难，因为人们有不同的自我照顾需求。例如，我坐在轮椅上，有一些特殊的健康需求。有些时候，我不得不对事情说不，因为我太累了，或者精神紧张。做这件事我感觉很糟糕，但随着我的成长，我已经认识到我的身体和精神极限。也许这就是其中的一部分。如果你知道自己有时间并且能够做一些事情，那么选择自己而不是别人可能是自私的。相反地，如果你觉得自己几乎无法保持头脑清醒，那么做其他事情可能不是最好的主意。也许真正了解自己和自己的极限是个好主意。这可能会帮助你提前计划，避免自私。向你问好！
Mike Speakman
By letting other people help them find “Healthy Selfishness". The limits between being too selfish and too unselfish.
If they pursued a career they loved, added friends and fun activities they truly enjoyed, plus self-improvement activities, and the love life and family life they desired. Who else in their life would also benefit?
让别人帮助他们找到“健康的自私”。这就是太自私和太无私之间的界限。
如果他们追求自己热爱的事业，增加朋友和他们真正喜欢的有趣活动，再加上自我提升活动，以及他们想要的爱情生活和家庭生活。在他们的生活中，还有谁会受益？
Rishabh Shrivastava
Self-care is not selfish.
It's ok to ask family members or friends not to eat certain foods or not to smoke or drink around you.
It's ok to skip drinks with friends to go to the gym instead.
It's ok to ask a restaurant to replace the bread with veggies or to give you the dressing on the side.
It's ok to carry your own meal to a friend's house.
It's ok to take time away from your kids to get in a workout or even just sleep.
It's ok to say no to events or people that mentally exhaust you.
Many people think they'll come across as rude or selfish if they do these when in reality it just means that you give a shit about yourself and your goals.
自我照顾不是自私的。
可以要求家人或朋友不要吃某些食物，或者不要在你身边吸烟或喝酒。
不跟朋友喝酒去健身房也没关系。
可以要求餐厅用蔬菜代替面包，或者在面包边上加调味品。
自己带饭去朋友家也没关系。
从孩子身上抽出时间锻炼，甚至只是睡觉，都没关系。
对那些让你精神疲惫的事件或人说“不”是可以的。
许多人认为，如果他们这样做，会给人留下粗鲁或自私的印象，而事实上，不这么做，只意味着你对自己和你的目标漠不关心。
Vic Powell
I'm no philosopher, so I can only think of one answer, and it doesn't require much in the way of explanation. It is: Help others, but not the the extent that you harm yourself. So, if someone needs $5,000, but you can only give $2,500 without creating hardship for paying your bills or covering emergencies, give only $2,500. (I advise against giving loans, however.) Basically, do nothing to harm yourself, and help others when you can. I don't believe it's being selfish to make sure you're going to be OK.
我不是哲学家，所以我只能想到一个答案，不需要太多的解释。它是：帮助别人，但不要伤害自己。所以，如果有人需要5000美元，但你只能给2500美元，而不会给你的账单或紧急情况造成困难，那么只给2500美元。（不过，我建议不要发放贷款。）基本上，不要做任何伤害自己的事，尽可能地帮助别人。我不认为确保自己没事是自私的。
原文地址：
Start working on yourself - you are the only person you can actually change.
Define your own values and belief system.
Learn from and work with a professional qualified psychologist on how to override the subconscious programming.
Get to know yourself inside out: who you are, what you want, where you want to be, what impact you want to make, and for whom and why and for how long.
Work with a trauma therapist through your trauma from childhood - everyone has it in some way or manner in various degrees and it greatly affects our life quality and outcome.
Become aware of certain psychological patterns such as projection, dissociation, numbing out, and compensation behavior.
Most importantly, learn to spot dysfunctional human behavior such as co-dependency, trauma bonding, narcissism, Stockholm syndrome, psychopathic and/ or sociopathic behavior.
开始训练自己——这世界上唯一能改变你的人只有你自己。
定义你自己的价值观和信仰体系。
向专业合格的心理学家学习并与之合作，学习如何推翻潜意识认知和思维。
从内到外了解自己：你是谁，你想要什么，你想成为什么样的人，你想有什么样的影响力，这是为了谁、为了什么以及时间是多久。
与创伤治疗师合作直面你童年的创伤——每个人都有不同程度的创伤，它会极大地影响我们的生活质量和结果。
意识到某些心理模式，如投射、分离、麻木和补偿行为。
最重要的是，学会发现人类功能失调的行为，如共同依赖、创伤联结、自恋、斯德哥尔摩综合征、心理变态和/或反社会行为。
Learn and become aware of truly healthy behavior patterns.
Acquire and work on your communication skills.
Learn how to read people - micro-expressions, body language, and more. Learn a scientific approach from professionals, not some layman assumptions out there.
Learn how to set - and enforce - healthy boundaries in all areas of life.
Stop interacting with highly toxic people to protect or get back your own sanity and health.
Health means physical well-being, state of mind, constructive growth relationships, respectful interactions, financial health and fitness, balanced approach in daily structures regarding time- and stress management, professional ambitions are in line with your values and vision, healthy eating habits, hydration, taking consistent actions.
This is a lifelong process but the earlier it gets started, the higher we will soar in all areas of life.
Nowadays, tools and knowledge as well as qualified professionals’ inputs are readily available online to do the work.
Previous generations were not that lucky.
Awareness and doing your shadow work will help prevent passing on unhealthy and toxic patterns to your own children and children’s children. Break the intergenerational chain.
The key is the willingness to learn and keep going - it is not a walk in the park and no one says it is easy, yet it can be done with self-discipline, grit, perseverance, persistence, and focus.
An arrow doesn’t hit the target if it is shot from a mellow bow.
学习并意识到真正健康的行为模式。
学习并提高你的沟通技巧。
学习如何理解人——微表情、肢体语言等等。从专业人士那里学习科学方法，而不是一些外行哪里。
学习如何在生活的各个领域设定并实施健康的界限。
停止与剧毒人群互动，以保护或恢复自己的理智和健康。
健康意味着身体健康、精神状态、建设性的成长关系、相互尊重的互动、财务健康、在时间和压力管理方面的日常结构平衡、职业抱负符合你的价值观和愿景、健康的饮食习惯、补水、采取一致的行动。
这是一个终生的课题，但越早开始，我们在生活的各个领域就会飞得越高。
如今，工具和知识以及合格专业人员的投入都可以在网上轻松获得。
前几代人没有那么幸运。
认知和处理你的晦暗的一面，有助于防止把不健康和有毒的模式传给你自己的孩子以及孩子的孩子。打破代际链条。
关键在于学习和坚持的意愿——这不是在公园里散步，没有人说这很容易，但通过自律、勇气、毅力、坚持和专注，这是可以做到的。
如果箭是从圆润的弓上射出的，它就不会击中目标。
Deepak Singh
Common question. I just answered two of such.
Self interest has to be there for you to do well and grow enough to help others.
If you don't have self interest, you won't be able to do well in your life. If you don't get to be what you want, then you are a no help guy.
Selfish is when you use others for your gain.
Keep Smiling, natural.
常见问题。我刚刚回答了两个这样的问题。
你必须先保护好自身利益，才能成长到足以帮助他人。
如果你没有自利心，你就无法在生活中取得好成绩。如果你不能成为你想要成为的人，那么你就没有帮助别人的能力。
自私是指你利用他人谋取私利。
保持微笑，放轻松。
Griz Ley
It sounds like you’re already (correctly imho) rejecting that premise. All things in moderation. It’s as toxic as being raised to believe everything orbits around you.
Chances are you had a parent who as a child experienced this latter reality and is now just over-compensating. Correct the situation in your life, but try not to begrudge them their own rough upbringing. Each successive generation’s job is to improve on the mistakes of the past generation.
听起来你已经拒绝了这个前提。一切都要适度。这就像从小就相信所有事物一样有害。
很有可能你的父母在小时候经历过后一种现实，现在只是补偿过度。纠正你生活中的情况，但不要忌恨他们的粗暴教养。每一代人的工作都是改进上一代人的错误。
SamieDee
I would reteach myself whatever I think is true and live my life the way I want.
Because really, there's a balance in everything. And you are allowed to do things for yourself and that is not selfish.
It is selfish to do something that impacts others negatively without taking them into consideration.
But just because you were taught something, doesn't mean that you can't change it. Like, what would I do if I was taught that the sky was yellow. Well…when I find out the sky is not in fact yellow, I'll change my belief.
我会把我认为是不偏不斜的东西给自己，过我想要的生活。
因为不偏不斜的，一切都是平衡的。你被允许为自己做事，这不是自私。
做一些不考虑他人而对他人产生负面影响的事情是自私的。
但仅仅因为你学到了一些东西，并不意味着你不能改变它。比如，如果我被教导天空是黄色的，我会怎么做。当我发现天空其实不是黄色的时候，我会改变我的信念。
B Vishnevsky
There's a big difference between being selfish, self indulgent, self centered, and self obsessed, and looking out for yourself and taking time out to pamper yourself and relax from the daily grind of every day life.
In order for you to be healthy and give your best outwards, you must first be healthy from within.
You can't be healthy inwards if you never take the time to explore what you need or want for your life.
Wanting to be happy or fulfilled is not selfish.
Exploring what job or career best fits your qualifications and skills is not selfish.
Looking for a partner who is the right fit for your life is not selfish.
Thinking of what path you wish to pursue in life is not selfish.
自私、自我放纵、以自我为中心、自我痴迷与照顾自己、花时间纵容自己、从日常生活中放松之间有很大的区别。
为了让你保持健康，并向外界展示你最好的一面，你必须首先从内心保持健康。
如果你从不花时间去探索你的生活需要或想要什么，你的内心就不可能健康。
想要快乐或满足并不是自私的。
探索什么样的工作或职业最适合你的资历和技能并不是自私的。
寻找一个适合你生活的伴侣并不自私。
思考你希望在生活中走的道路并不是自私的。
Taking time out of your day for just you to unwind and have some much needed downtime is not selfish.
Life is what you make of it. Life is what you do with it.
You should be the master of your life. You shouldn't be allowing anyone to dictate how you should run it.
Just because someone doesn't agree with you or doesn't like your choices does not mean you are being selfish.
You only have this one life to live as you, and life will pass you right on by if you're always hung up on how other people view you or think you should be different.
It is not anyone's place to demand you stop being you and become the person they would like you to be.
You have to live with the choices you make.
Loving yourself is not selfish. It is essential to learning how to love another person.
从你的一天中抽出时间，让自己放松一下，休息一下，这并不自私。
生活是由你自己创造的。生活就是你如何利用它。
你应该是你生活的主人。你不应该允许任何人支配你应该如何运行它。
仅仅因为某人不同意你或不喜欢你的选择并不意味着你自私。
生命只有一次，如果你总是想着别人如何看待你，认为你应该与众不同，生活就会从你身边溜走。
这不是任何人要求你停止做自己，成为他们希望你成为的人的地方。
你必须接受自己的选择。
爱自己并不自私。学会爱另一个人同样是很重要的。
Eddie Colbeth
The idea that self-love is selfish is just wrong-headed. So, the first thing you’ll need to do is try to change your perspective on self-love.
If you want to be of the most service to humanity, you must meet your own needs first. This is a lesson that first responders learn fast or they have to switch careers.
Imagine being a fireman at a fire and instead of following protocol, you run into a building without protective gear to save a child and get hurt? Now, you are part of the problem and resources that would have been used to help people who are already hurt, have to be used on you and you can no longer help as you are hurt too.
If you make sure you meet your own needs first, that you have enough to eat, get enough sleep ect. You’ll be of more use to others. So it could be argued that to not love yourself is to be selfish because you’ll be less helpful to others.
If everyone did this, the world would be a better place, people would be more self-reliant and more available to help others.
自爱是自私的想法是错误的。所以，你需要做的第一件事就是改变你对自爱的看法。
如果你想为人类做出最大的贡献，你必须首先满足自己的需求。这是一个经验教训，急救人员需要最快的学会这一点，否则就得换工作。
想象一下，作为一名消防队员，你没有遵守规定，在没有防护装备的情况下冲进一栋大楼，救了一个孩子，结果受伤了？现在，你变成了问题的一部分，救你的资源本可以用来帮助那些已经受伤的人，现在不得不用在你身上，当你也受伤时，你再也不能帮助他们了。
你首先要确保满足自己的需求，确保你有足够的食物、充足的睡眠等等。你会对别人更有帮助。所以可以说，不爱自己就是自私，因为你对别人的帮助会减少。
如果每个人都这样做，世界将变得更加美好，人们将更加自力更生，更加乐于帮助他人。
Elaine Hamilton
Self-love is more of developing the person and spirit within.
It is respecting yourself, knowing when something isn’t helping you to be the best that you can be.
It is caring for yourself, your mental health, taking time to rest, reflect, refuel, Not always being in motion. Taking time out to have a well-prepared meal, listen to music, take a hot shower, read, It’s having alone time. A time to heal, Even if it is a few quiet moments of peace in a bubble bath.
It is developing the mind. Perspective, based on compassion. Knowing what you need to be happy, fulfilled. It is, essentially learning about you, shaping yourself, heart and spirit before you are able to give to someone else in the same manner.
It is setting boundaries of what you will tolerate in your life, from career, friends, family. It is also knowing when you need to just take a little break from the world and come back refreshed.
This is how you can best love yourself, so that you can in turn, love others. Have you ever heard the phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup”? Self-love gives us time to fill the cup back up.
自爱更多的是关于人的发展和内在的情绪。
它是尊重你自己，知道什么事情不能帮助你做到最好。
它是关心你自己，你的心理健康，花时间休息，反思，加油，而不是总是处于运动状态。抽出时间吃一顿精心准备的饭，听音乐，洗个热水澡，读书，这就是独处的时间。这是治愈的时刻，即使是在泡泡浴中安静片刻。
它在发展心智。基于同情心的视角。知道你需要什么才能快乐、满足。它本质上是了解你，在你能够以同样的方式给予别人之前塑造你自己的心灵和精神。
它为你的生活设定了界限，包括职业、朋友和家庭。它也知道什么时候你需要从这个世界上休息一下，然后重新振作起来。
这就是你如何最好地爱自己，这样你才能反过来爱别人。你听过“你不能从空杯子里倒水”这句话吗？自爱让我们有时间把杯子装满。
James Melton
a paradox to be sure, but in order to love oneself one has to be self centered for a time.
self centered as in centered on self, who you are as apposed to me or anyone else, your own likes, your own fears, your own hopes, your own joys, your own dreams, your own feelings, your own thoughts, the behaviors you shine the most at and the behaviors you enjoy.
in order to figure all those things out, you have to be self centered for a while
当然这是一个悖论，但为了爱自己，一个人必须在一段时间内以自我为中心。
以自我为中心就是把你自己放在最中心的位置，你与我或其他人的关系，你自己的喜好，你自己的恐惧，你自己的希望，你自己的快乐，你自己的梦想，你自己的感觉，你自己的想法，你最擅长的行为和你喜欢的行为。
为了解决所有这些问题，你必须在一段时间内以自我为中心。
Clare Smith
Yes. You have to learn e yourself in order to love someone else.
If you don't even love who you are then what do you have to offer someone else?
You have to learn to accept yourself with all your flaws in order to do the same for someone else
是的，为了爱别人，你必须学会爱自己。
如果你连自己都不爱，那你能给别人什么呢？
你必须学会接受自己所有的缺点，这样才能为别人做同样的事。
Janice Vincent
You wake up every day and if you don’t already, you make yourself think about the world in some way. I often choose the global route, so I think about the planet and the oceans and the ecosystem and the great people who are fighting human waste and misuse.
Other people would chose something else of meaning to them. It can be anything, but I would recommend it not start with people, though you want it to lead back to them. For instance, your flower garden or the arrangement of paintings on the wall in your apartment—whatever makes you happy. That can lead back to how it got there, who helped you, who painted the paintings and why they did it. If you painted the paintings. who admired them, sold you the paints, etc. What were they like? Were they kind, helpful?
If this doesn’t work, try something else. Find the one or more things you like/love and figure out how other people put love and caring into it to bring it to you.
Now, how would you return the favor if you could? Once you start thinking along these lines, you might start caring about others who have contributed to the happiness in your life, even if they are total strangers.
Animals/pets are also a great way to break the barrier.
你每天醒来，但是还没有完全清醒的时刻，你会让自己以某种方式思考这个世界。我经常选择全球路线，所以我想到了地球、海洋、生态系统，以及那些与人类浪费和滥用作斗争的伟大人物。
其他人会选择对他们有意义的东西。它可以是任何东西，但我建议不要从人开始，尽管你想让他回到你们身边。例如，你的花园或你公寓墙上的绘画布置，无论什么只要是能让你开心的事物。这可以追溯到它是如何到达那里的，谁帮助了你，谁画了这些画，以及他们为什么这么做。如果你画这些画。谁欣赏他们，卖给你颜料等等。他们是什么样的人？他们善良、乐于助人吗？
如果这不起作用，试试别的办法。找到你喜欢/爱的一件或多件事，弄清楚别人是如何把爱和关心带到你身边的。
现在，如果可以的话，你会如何回报这个人情呢？一旦你开始按照这些思路思考，你可能会开始关心那些为你生活中的幸福做出贡献的人，即使他们完全是陌生人。
动物/宠物也是打破障碍的好方法。
Bill Van Dyck
Self Care is about doing something for your own well-being.
Selfishness is about doing something for your personal interest which often implies at the expense of others.
For instance, you jogging in the morning is about self care. You are doing something that only affects you for your own well being.
However, you spending your money on jogging equipment (luxury items) when your child needs new clothes because he does not have any that fit him anymore (necessary items) is about selfishness. You do something for your own interests at the expense of others.
自我照顾是为了自己的幸福而做的事情。
自私是为了个人利益而做的事情，这通常意味着以牺牲他人为代价。
例如，你早上慢跑是为了自我照顾。你所做的事情只会影响你自己的健康。
然而，当你的孩子需要新衣服时，你把钱花在慢跑设备（奢侈品）上，因为他没有再适合他的衣服（必需品）是自私的表现。你为了自己的利益而牺牲他人。
Luis Martins
By treating others as you would want them to treat you.
Learn to love yourself first. Once you have learned to love oneself, and that means loving your body, loving the person you are, by not practicing lawlessness or practices that dishonor and destroy your body, you will love unselfishly others, because you are benign to yourself.
Those who voluntarily or involuntarily practice evil loathe themselves, and can they proprely love others?
以你希望他人对待你的方式对待他人。
先学会爱自己。一旦你学会了爱自己，这意味着爱你的身体，爱你自己的一切，通过不实践不法行为或不尊重和破坏你的身体的行为，你将无私地爱别人，因为你对自己是善良的。
那些自愿或非自愿地作恶的人厌恶自己，他们能爱别人吗？
Caitlin French
Stop thinking about yourself. Start thinking about others in different situations. Like, say if someone arrives late to your party. Instead of getting mad at them and thinking they are just lazy people, consider what they had to do in order to get to your party. They had to get ready, let their family/friends/roommates, etc. about where they’re going and when they’ll be home. Not to mention they may have had to do some responsibilities very quickly before they left, such as making sure their baby has a changed diaper and is happy, or folding clothes. When they are on their way, consider that they may have gotten caught in traffic or an accident on the road may have slow them down.
You’ve faced some minor or major setbacks and inconveniences in life. When you can apply your feelings towards those setbacks to others, you will be able to empathize with them when they go through such setbacks. Such as your friend’s grandfather had passed away. If you had ever lost your grandfather or a family member you know it’s very painful emotionally, so when you can apply that same pain to your friend who is going through something similar you can empathize with them and care towards them. You can be more comforting to them in such hard times.
When you began to think that others have a complex life with a huge amount of responsibilities and people that love and care for them, such as you, you will find it easier to empathize and care for others. When you think about only your needs and wants you are only caring for yourself. But when you can put them away to tend to someone else’s needs or wants, that’s caring.
别再想你自己了。开始考虑不同情况下的其他人。比如说，如果有人来晚了。不要对他们发火，认为他们只是懒惰的人，考虑他们必须做什么才能参加你的聚会。他们必须做好准备，让家人/朋友/室友等知道他们要去哪里，什么时候回家。更不用说他们在离开之前可能不得不很快地完成一些任务，比如确保他们的宝宝换了尿布，并且很开心，或者叠衣服。当他们在路上时，考虑到他们可能被交通堵塞或道路上的交通事故拖慢了。
你在生活中遇到过一些小的或大的挫折和不便。当你能把你对这些挫折的感受运用到别人身上时，当他们经历这些挫折时，你就能同情他们。比如你朋友的祖父去世了。如果你曾失去祖父或家人，你知道这在情感上是非常痛苦的，所以当你能将同样的痛苦施加到经历类似事情的朋友身上时，你可以同情他们，关心他们。在这样的困难时期，你可以给他们更多的安慰。
当你开始认为其他人有着复杂的生活，有着大量的责任，以及像你这样爱和关心他们的人，你会发现更容易同情和关心他人。当你只考虑自己的需求时，你只关心自己。但当你能把它们放在一边，照顾别人的需要或愿望时，那就是关心。
Kalyanam Ganesh
When you take care of you with due concern for others it is self care, When you take care of you without concern for others it is selfishness. Selfish people lack adjustments. They always wants the things to be done the way it is more beneficial to them.
当你关心别人的时候照顾自己是自我照顾，当你不关心别人的时候照顾自己是自私。自私的人缺乏调整。他们总是希望事情以对他们更有利的方式进行。
Dan Edwards
By first learning to love and respect yourself enough to be totally content with who you are, what you have, and your place in the world; and then learning what it means to experience happiness by helping others.
首先要学会足够爱和尊重自己，完全满足于你是谁，你拥有什么，以及你在世界上的地位；然后学习通过帮助他人来体验幸福的意义。
Solomon Wang
Love is a feeling that can be expressed with action. Love yourself with your feelings, accept yourself, for mental health. About actions: to exist is to, at some level, be selfish enough to take what you need. Selfishness is when you go too far beyond what you need and satisfy too many of your wants--everyone draws the line where wants become needs at different places: find yours and stay within it.
爱是一种可以用行动表达的感觉。用感情爱自己，接受自己，为了心理健康。关于行动：在某种程度上，生存就是自私到可以得到你需要的东西。自私是当你远远超出你的需要，满足了你太多的欲望时——每个人都在不同的地方划出了一条线：找到你的，并保持在其中。
Anonymous
Love the world and being. Find one beautiful thing to pick out each day. You are just part of the world. Forget "fairness" and other mental constructs and just accept life for what it is. Life is so short, to do otherwise is just silly.
爱这个世界和存在。每天找一件美丽的东西来挑选。你只是世界的一部分。忘掉“公平”和其他心理构造，接受生活的本来面目。生命如此短暂，否则的话就是愚蠢的。
Humberto Moreno
Acknowledge yourself and know that you care.
Accept yourself knowing that you are the one best suited to take care of you emotionally and physically(if you have the capability to do so just saying not everyone does) because you know yourself better than anyone else. That is something to appreciate.
认可自己，知道自己在乎。
接受你自己，知道你是最适合在情感上和身体上照顾你的人（如果你有能力这么做，只是说不是每个人都这样），因为你比任何人都更了解自己。这是值得欣赏的。
Shweta Sharma
When a pair of twins are lying close to each other and both of them are crying to be fed, that is self care. Now, once the mother inserts the nipples of the milk bottles in each ones lips and while one of them has finished sipping in the milk, it tries to snatch away the bottle of the other, that’s when the selfishness creeps in.:P
当一对双胞胎靠得很近，两人都哭着要喂食时，这就是自我照顾。现在，一旦母亲将奶瓶的奶嘴插入每个人的嘴唇，当其中一个喝完牛奶后，它会试图抢走另一个的奶瓶，这时自私开始蔓延。
Edmund Pevensie
People get it wrong when they think selfishness is the opposite of caring.
What you need to be is emotionally aware. I try to be kind to others because my self image and my ability to sleep at night is at stake. There is no such thing as caring for someone without a selfish stake in it. That would be like giving your enemies presents and kindness because they are sad one day, even though you know they will beat you around the head with it.
Try to give kindness as a mark of esteem for the goodness you see in others, or to redraw justice into what you consider social justice.
Caring is overrated. People state caring things on Facebook and pay lip service on Veterans Day even when personally they may not give a shit. They can educate themselves TO care but they should not be a hypocrite and pretend they care.
Don’t be a hypocrite and always consider how you would like to be treated if life was unkind.
当人们认为自私和自爱处于对立面时，他们就错了。
你需要的是情感意识。我尽量善待他人，因为这关系到我的自我形象和晚上睡觉的能力。照顾一个人没有任何私心是不可能的。这就好比给你的敌人礼物和善意，因为他们总有一天会让你难过，你知道他们会用礼物和善意打你的头。
试着把仁慈作为对别人眼中的善良的尊重，或者把正义重新转化为你所认为的社会正义。
关心被高估了。人们在脸书上说关心的事情，在退伍军人节上嘴上说说，但就个人而言，他们可能根本不在乎。他们可以教育自己去关心，但他们不应该是一个伪君子，假装关心。
不要做伪君子，如果生活不好，一定要考虑如何善待自己。
Nicole Alexander
Great question because I think a lot of people deal with this. I do think you can practice self-care without being selfish, but I also think it’s difficult because people have different self-care needs. For instance, I’m in a wheelchair and have some special health needs. There have been times when I’ve had to say no to things because I am just too worn out or mentally stretched. I feel bad doing this, but as I have grown, I have learned my physical and mental limits. And perhaps that’s part of it. If you know you have time and are able to do something, then choosing yourself over others may be selfish. Conversely, if you feel like you’re barely able to keep your head above water, taking on something else may not be the best idea. Perhaps it might be a good idea to really learn yourself and your limits. This may help you plan ahead and avoid being or feeling selfish. All my best to you
问得好，因为我觉得很多人都在处理这个问题。我认为你可以在不自私的情况下进行自我照顾，但我也认为这很难，因为人们有不同的自我照顾需求。例如，我坐在轮椅上，有一些特殊的健康需求。有些时候，我不得不对事情说不，因为我太累了，或者精神紧张。做这件事我感觉很糟糕，但随着我的成长，我已经认识到我的身体和精神极限。也许这就是其中的一部分。如果你知道自己有时间并且能够做一些事情，那么选择自己而不是别人可能是自私的。相反地，如果你觉得自己几乎无法保持头脑清醒，那么做其他事情可能不是最好的主意。也许真正了解自己和自己的极限是个好主意。这可能会帮助你提前计划，避免自私。向你问好！
Mike Speakman
By letting other people help them find “Healthy Selfishness". The limits between being too selfish and too unselfish.
If they pursued a career they loved, added friends and fun activities they truly enjoyed, plus self-improvement activities, and the love life and family life they desired. Who else in their life would also benefit?
让别人帮助他们找到“健康的自私”。这就是太自私和太无私之间的界限。
如果他们追求自己热爱的事业，增加朋友和他们真正喜欢的有趣活动，再加上自我提升活动，以及他们想要的爱情生活和家庭生活。在他们的生活中，还有谁会受益？
Rishabh Shrivastava
Self-care is not selfish.
It's ok to ask family members or friends not to eat certain foods or not to smoke or drink around you.
It's ok to skip drinks with friends to go to the gym instead.
It's ok to ask a restaurant to replace the bread with veggies or to give you the dressing on the side.
It's ok to carry your own meal to a friend's house.
It's ok to take time away from your kids to get in a workout or even just sleep.
It's ok to say no to events or people that mentally exhaust you.
Many people think they'll come across as rude or selfish if they do these when in reality it just means that you give a shit about yourself and your goals.
自我照顾不是自私的。
可以要求家人或朋友不要吃某些食物，或者不要在你身边吸烟或喝酒。
不跟朋友喝酒去健身房也没关系。
可以要求餐厅用蔬菜代替面包，或者在面包边上加调味品。
自己带饭去朋友家也没关系。
从孩子身上抽出时间锻炼，甚至只是睡觉，都没关系。
对那些让你精神疲惫的事件或人说“不”是可以的。
许多人认为，如果他们这样做，会给人留下粗鲁或自私的印象，而事实上，不这么做，只意味着你对自己和你的目标漠不关心。
Vic Powell
I'm no philosopher, so I can only think of one answer, and it doesn't require much in the way of explanation. It is: Help others, but not the the extent that you harm yourself. So, if someone needs $5,000, but you can only give $2,500 without creating hardship for paying your bills or covering emergencies, give only $2,500. (I advise against giving loans, however.) Basically, do nothing to harm yourself, and help others when you can. I don't believe it's being selfish to make sure you're going to be OK.
我不是哲学家，所以我只能想到一个答案，不需要太多的解释。它是：帮助别人，但不要伤害自己。所以，如果有人需要5000美元，但你只能给2500美元，而不会给你的账单或紧急情况造成困难，那么只给2500美元。（不过，我建议不要发放贷款。）基本上，不要做任何伤害自己的事，尽可能地帮助别人。我不认为确保自己没事是自私的。
很赞哦！ ()
